Focus on yourself before seeking a relationship

Willshika Carter

We obsess over brands, styles and celebrities, but inevitably with new seasons comes new obsessions. Some last longer than others, but no fad is promised tomorrow.

Our fixation on relationships is one that has not been traded in for the next big thing. One can attribute this to the basic human need for companionship, yet it can be said that it is more about what a relationship means to on-lookers.

As with other fads, everything we do is seemingly done to extend a certain message.

Does the world need to know what your significant other gifted you for your birthday? Christmas? Valentine’s Day? Yet, on any of these given days, one is bombarded with photos and messages that people feel the need to share with the world. How does such sharing contribute to this relationship?

It doesn’t.

We are a generation consumed with depicting our lives to somehow attribute meaning to them. Despite the apparent yearning for relationships, the need for them has completely shifted the dynamic of what solidifies one. Dates have been exchanged for “chilling,” and phone calls for sporadic text messages.

We are so consumed with portraying something that we are willing to settle. However, is a relationship something that should be compromised? Maybe I’m just a girl, but love should not be something you shop for, or something that’s forced because everyone else looks so cute together.

I’ve been asked time and time again why am I single, but how does one answer such a question? No one likes to be alone, but how easy is it to find someone that embodies everything you want in a significant other, and you for him or her as well? More often than not, we seek happiness in others, rather than finding it on our own, thus becoming dependent on others for that happiness.

Instead of seeking out other people for happiness, why not invest in us? The emotions invested in another individual, whom may or may not be apart of our lives in the unforeseeable future, can be used to define who we are, for ourselves.

It seems ridiculous to question whether or not you know yourself, yet do you really? Can you say with 100% certainty that you are secure with whom you are? What you want? I can’t. And for me, that is a little more important than finding someone that I cannot be sure will be around tomorrow.

This rationalization may seem pessimistic, but I would argue that it is more practical than offering yourself continuously, hoping for the best. Dating, well the idea of dating, is based on trial and error. You date various people, and that is how you decide what you want, what you are willing to tolerate and so forth.

If you constantly rely on other people to define what love means to you, your search is bound to be endless, or result in you settling. Instead I propose we focus on ourselves, and decide what we want and expect out of life, then seek out someone to complement us, rather than relying on someone to complete us.

Willshika Carter is a 21-year-old public relations sophomore from New Orleans, La.  Follow her on Twitter @lahshika_.
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